I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize