she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
