i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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