Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
