fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
