I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize