Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
