wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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