I cockslap morals
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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