I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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