my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I could fuck to npr.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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