Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
