this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
