I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
