I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
