he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize