Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
