We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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