I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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