You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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