Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My ass is underappreciated
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
