I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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