thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
