i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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