You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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