So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i would punch a child for taco bell
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
