HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
as a side note pls kill me
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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