Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
