Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
