please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize