I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
