The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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