Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I have tasted many bathrooms
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
