At least make sure they are 18
Why
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
where are you?
Hypothermia
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
