I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just want nice things and good sex
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
