remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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