3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
