he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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