She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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