I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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