I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
