How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Even my vagina gasped.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
