I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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