Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
