I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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