i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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