You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
