Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
