Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
