She is in my trunk
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
