i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
