Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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