I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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