Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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