Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
