I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
