I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Are my feet made of real feet?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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