I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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