If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
