Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
only you would photoshop your dick
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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