i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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