I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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