I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
