i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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