Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I hope mine doesn't look like that
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
When did angry sex become our thing?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Randomize