This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
